Relationship with the ex

It has been about three years now since she (the ex) decided "it wasn't me that bothered her, just my husband (her ex-husband). So all those times of bickering and stupid comments to each other to see who could be the meaner are in the past. I would never have thought we could get to this point, but it happened. While I still do not agree with everything she says or does, I am perfectly capable of picking my battles and biting my tongue when it isn't important. Now I find myself in the situation where she took an e-mail I sent to her informing her of the plans we have for the graduation party for my step-son as an invitation to attend my party! How does that happen!? Well, after much thought and a little panic, I decided this is what it is all about. Getting together in peace for the sake of the child. I cannot lose here. I "invited" her to attend the party I am planning - makes me the bigger person. Anyway, we'll see how it goes...

My History

I met my husband one week before my 30th birthday and knew he was "the one". Even though he was divorced with two children that he had custody of, but he was just so cute I forgot all about my "no instant family" motto! Our wedding was beautiful! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day! Except of course that his father was too ill to travel so neither of his parents were able to be there. All in all everything was going well with the kids and the transition. They were 7 & 9 years old when we married and their mother had left them 3 years prior to that. She moved to another state to be with her family. The first 5 years of our marriage I had a very difficult time with the ex. She was just plain old nasty to me. In my opinion, I think she had some major regrets for leaving and of course that I was raising her kids when she should have been. All in all the kids have been very well behaved. So many other blended families have so many problems with the kids, but not us. I guess it helps that I didn't bring any step-siblings into the mix. I know this all sounds great and you may wonder why I needed to find some support, but the main problem is me. My husband's vasectomy reversal has not been able to produce a pregnancy. I knew this was a possibility going into the marriage, but I had 100% confidence it would work. The numbers were good, but the little guys didn't swim so good. So we figure okay, we'll just get some help. After 3 failed IUI's, I was heartbroken. Why wouldn't God give me my own child to love and love me back? I so wanted to experience the love a child gives a mother. It has been about 5 years since we started all that and I still am childless. I also have come to grips with the fact that I suffer from depression. This in turn makes me mean sometimes and I take it out on my wonderful husband and his kids. I know I don't deserve their forgiveness, but my beautiful step-daughter has assured me that I do. She is a wonderful person and someone I admire!

Step-Mother Support - Thank you Dawn!!!!

The other night I was having a major low moment in life. Feeling a little sorry for myself, not really liking myself and wondering "why me?" I am a step-mother and have not been able to have any children of my own. (My husband's children live with us full time and visit their Mother, who moved to another state, during school breaks and summer vacation.) In the past when I've felt this way I've searched for some kind of support group for women in my situation but never found anyone I could relate to...until now. I found a website called The Stepfamily Life by Dawn Miller. Wow! Our lives mirror each other in so many ways! For once I did not feel alone; like there was no one out there who understood! Finding Dawn has made an amazing difference in how I view my life and my responsibilities. Thank you Dawn for putting your story out there! I decided to develop my own blog, hoping it will be therapeutic for me and hopefully I will be able to develop some friendships with others that truly get "it"...