I met my husband one week before my 30th birthday and knew he was "the one". Even though he was divorced with two children that he had custody of, but he was just so cute I forgot all about my "no instant family" motto! Our wedding was beautiful! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day! Except of course that his father was too ill to travel so neither of his parents were able to be there. All in all everything was going well with the kids and the transition. They were 7 & 9 years old when we married and their mother had left them 3 years prior to that. She moved to another state to be with her family. The first 5 years of our marriage I had a very difficult time with the ex. She was just plain old nasty to me. In my opinion, I think she had some major regrets for leaving and of course that I was raising her kids when she should have been. All in all the kids have been very well behaved. So many other blended families have so many problems with the kids, but not us. I guess it helps that I didn't bring any step-siblings into the mix. I know this all sounds great and you may wonder why I needed to find some support, but the main problem is me. My husband's vasectomy reversal has not been able to produce a pregnancy. I knew this was a possibility going into the marriage, but I had 100% confidence it would work. The numbers were good, but the little guys didn't swim so good. So we figure okay, we'll just get some help. After 3 failed IUI's, I was heartbroken. Why wouldn't God give me my own child to love and love me back? I so wanted to experience the love a child gives a mother. It has been about 5 years since we started all that and I still am childless. I also have come to grips with the fact that I suffer from depression. This in turn makes me mean sometimes and I take it out on my wonderful husband and his kids. I know I don't deserve their forgiveness, but my beautiful step-daughter has assured me that I do. She is a wonderful person and someone I admire!
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3 comments:
Wow, it sounds like we have a lot in common! Thanks for commenting on my blog, I will definitely be adding yours to my link list.
It is so nice to find a place where there are women who have some of the same situations as you do, you don't feel like you are alone and crazy in all of this. I too, married a man with primary residency of his 2 kids, and had a vasectomy. He also had a reversal 4 years ago, and no babies for us. We also had swimmers, but not fast or strong ones, so I understand your frustration and grief at not being able to have your child with your husband. We never did the IVF route, but I can only imagine the stress. I give you alot of credit for not being resentful, it can happen. You are doing the hardest job in the world as a stepmother. People say parenting is the hardest job, but that is because they have never been a stepmother. Thanks for sharing your story, it helped me.
Wow! Thanks so much for posting your blogs! I'm helping my husband raise his 3 step-children (the ex keeps leaving and reappearing) and we had infertility issues until last year - Grant was born in May. And, like you, I'm a Third Day fan. :)
Please keep posting - I don't feel so alone.
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